Today I had four fabulous conversations with four fabulous PC(USA) pastors. My weekly meeting with Jennifer was insightful and thought provoking. . . as always. Whenever we sit and talk, I find myself talking about things that are important in my life that I've either not thought about before nor realized about myself. I "name" a lot of the issues I have within myself and strive to work on them. My conversations with her are the thresholds of a lot of my growth as a person.
My next pastoral conversation was with Ken. We shared terrible meatloaf at a meat and three downtown. Our conversation was different than the one I had with Jennifer, naturally. We talked about our struggles in ministry, what ministry can (and maybe should) look like. I listened to him talk about the challenges in ministry and heard him say that ministry is messy with an exhausted sigh. And yet there was a passion in his eyes, a spark that clearly comes from the challenges he faces and the love he shares with people. It was a spark and a passion that resonated within my own heart; it's a spark and passion that I hope to emulate in whatever God calls me to.
Next, I ventured around a PC(USA) conference and ran into Ellie Johns. Ellie is a pastor that shaped my youth and is from Erie as well. She's been a constant in pushing me to see a broader spectrum in the church and in the people of the church. She always introduces me to new people, new ideas, and compels me to consider new aspects of myself.
The last pastor of the day was my mentor from Westminster, Dr. [Mrs.] Cushman. She was in Nashville for the same conference Ellie was. It was so wonderful to spend time with her. I spent so many hours in her office in college, seeking her wisdom, her insight, and her compassionate spirit as I struggled through the issues of my college years. Today, we talked about the work I am doing, how I am finally taking care of myself and my needs, and about what the future holds. Dr. Cushman played a significant role in my discernment to become a YAV; and it was affirming to hear her say that she could tell this was the right decision for me. I continue to be grateful for her insight, and her hugs.
All three of my worlds collided today: Erie, Westminster, and YAV/Nashville through four wonderful conversations with four wonderful pastors. I'm feeling excited about these conversations, the growth I sense within myself and the growth that was affirmed in several different ways, and what possibilities lie ahead of me. Only God knows why I had these four conversations all in one day. Who knows, maybe I will join the ranks of these great pastors!?!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Rebuilt Ruins
I've been feeling pretty worn down lately. I don't know what the root cause has been. Sometimes I think I'm still grieving the loss of my Gramps, maybe it's partial homesickness, being sick, and as usual, my innate inability to say no to things. It could be any or all of these factors. What I do know is that I've been struggling to stay focused and positive.
I'm also feeling tested in many ways: my physical health, financially, how to respond to the need that surrounds me in so many different forms, and even how to trust in the future that I know is out there but I don't know where it leads.
I've been reading my daily devotional, my daily Bible verse calendar, attending meaningful worships, sharing my feelings over coffee without much avail. Nothing was really calming the raging internal storm; there was no peace to all the friction I was feeling. That was until a few minutes ago.
I agreed to help Ken, the pastor at Downtown, plan and lead the Ash Wednesday service. He asked me to read the lectionary readings for that day so when we have lunch on Thursday we could talk about the direction for the service. I read the first reading without much interest and started in on the second reading in a similar fashion. But about eight verses in, the words started connecting with my spirit. I finished the reading and started reading it all again. The words suddenly became a balm to my weary and worn spirit.
I encourage you to read Isaiah 58 and see what truths God reveals to you. For, "if you remove the yoke from among you, the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil, if you offer your food to the hungry and satisfy the needs of the afflicted, then your light shall rise in the darkness and your gloom be like the noonday. . . . Your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to live in." Amen.
I'm also feeling tested in many ways: my physical health, financially, how to respond to the need that surrounds me in so many different forms, and even how to trust in the future that I know is out there but I don't know where it leads.
I've been reading my daily devotional, my daily Bible verse calendar, attending meaningful worships, sharing my feelings over coffee without much avail. Nothing was really calming the raging internal storm; there was no peace to all the friction I was feeling. That was until a few minutes ago.
I agreed to help Ken, the pastor at Downtown, plan and lead the Ash Wednesday service. He asked me to read the lectionary readings for that day so when we have lunch on Thursday we could talk about the direction for the service. I read the first reading without much interest and started in on the second reading in a similar fashion. But about eight verses in, the words started connecting with my spirit. I finished the reading and started reading it all again. The words suddenly became a balm to my weary and worn spirit.
I encourage you to read Isaiah 58 and see what truths God reveals to you. For, "if you remove the yoke from among you, the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil, if you offer your food to the hungry and satisfy the needs of the afflicted, then your light shall rise in the darkness and your gloom be like the noonday. . . . Your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to live in." Amen.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Where's Bethany?
That was the bolded title of the paragraph that told the members of Downtown Pres where I've been. That was the question my sister Kayla asked in regards to my blog. It’s been a popular question these last few days and weeks, and I’m finally settled long enough to answer.
I headed home to PA on December 19th, the day of that frightful snow storm that plagued most of the East coast. Thankfully, I was able to get into Erie without any delay or issue. Christmas was better than I had expected and my week and a few days with family was gone before I had time to really settle in.
On December 30th, I headed back down South with my good friend and former NEP YAV, Katie Mohr. It was great to catch up with her. Once I got to Nashville, the whirlwind began. I went to a birthday party, ate at Rose Pepper, attended the Guitar Drop on the 31st, and spent New Year’s Day with Katie and new friends Megan and Wes, to get pedicures, watch movies, and other important self-care things. Then it was time to pack up (again) and head out for a week of PSF/Vanderbilt activities.
Saturday the 2nd was the day I headed to my first experience in Montreat, NC. Montreat is a conference center run by the PC(USA). It was a beautiful place, with a glorious lake, grand stone buildings, and about 800 college students. I've heard for a long time that the PC(USA) is a small world, with people knowing about each other. I found this to be the truth as I ran into people from the Summer Youth Institute, a friend from Columbia Seminary, and met plenty of people who knew people I knew. The sermons, lessons, keynotes, and general conversations were enlightening and inspiring. Texts that I’ve been struggling to understand (i.e. - Matthew 15.21-28), suddenly made sense, and I found myself explaining the interpretation to the students I was with. My two workshops on being a YAV, and the process of how to become one went nicely. I enjoyed coffee and great conversation with Ellie Johns and the five other SYI alums that were there. And the late night discussion with our group about interfaith dialogue, and God was deep and wide; much like the conference itself. My favorite part was my phone conversation with my Gram, around the partially frozen Lake Susan with the two white swans swimming nearby—truly a time filled with God’s presence.
Jennifer, a freshman student, and I then ventured to Winterplace, West Virginia a ski resort for a three day ski trip. We met up with the students and PSF from Middle Tennessee State University (MTSU). Although it wasn’t quiet what I had expected, I enjoyed getting to know the MTSU students, reading, and walking in the glistening snow (I chose not to ski). We left Winterplace and headed back to the Montreat region, spending the night at Jennifer’s parents house. On Saturday, we stopped at a J.Crew outlet, and had a great drive through Eastern Tennessee. I got home around 6 (back in Central time) to finally live out of a closet instead of a suitcase.
Today, although slightly cold, is a beautiful day in Nashville. The sun is shining and church was fulfilling. It was great to be back in this community, to be greeted with open arms and smiling faces. I’ve all ready had several offers to share coffee, engage in more church responsibilities, and to build more relationships. With the Vanderbilt school year resuming soon, I’m excited to see what this semester will hold. I will be sharing part of my life story on January 19th, to go along with the PSF theme: Stories We Live By. Our Guatemala trip is coming together well, as we fund raise together and begin to learn about that culture and peoples. It’s an exciting new time in my life and ministry . . . as I hope you can tell.
I headed home to PA on December 19th, the day of that frightful snow storm that plagued most of the East coast. Thankfully, I was able to get into Erie without any delay or issue. Christmas was better than I had expected and my week and a few days with family was gone before I had time to really settle in.
On December 30th, I headed back down South with my good friend and former NEP YAV, Katie Mohr. It was great to catch up with her. Once I got to Nashville, the whirlwind began. I went to a birthday party, ate at Rose Pepper, attended the Guitar Drop on the 31st, and spent New Year’s Day with Katie and new friends Megan and Wes, to get pedicures, watch movies, and other important self-care things. Then it was time to pack up (again) and head out for a week of PSF/Vanderbilt activities.
Saturday the 2nd was the day I headed to my first experience in Montreat, NC. Montreat is a conference center run by the PC(USA). It was a beautiful place, with a glorious lake, grand stone buildings, and about 800 college students. I've heard for a long time that the PC(USA) is a small world, with people knowing about each other. I found this to be the truth as I ran into people from the Summer Youth Institute, a friend from Columbia Seminary, and met plenty of people who knew people I knew. The sermons, lessons, keynotes, and general conversations were enlightening and inspiring. Texts that I’ve been struggling to understand (i.e. - Matthew 15.21-28), suddenly made sense, and I found myself explaining the interpretation to the students I was with. My two workshops on being a YAV, and the process of how to become one went nicely. I enjoyed coffee and great conversation with Ellie Johns and the five other SYI alums that were there. And the late night discussion with our group about interfaith dialogue, and God was deep and wide; much like the conference itself. My favorite part was my phone conversation with my Gram, around the partially frozen Lake Susan with the two white swans swimming nearby—truly a time filled with God’s presence.
Jennifer, a freshman student, and I then ventured to Winterplace, West Virginia a ski resort for a three day ski trip. We met up with the students and PSF from Middle Tennessee State University (MTSU). Although it wasn’t quiet what I had expected, I enjoyed getting to know the MTSU students, reading, and walking in the glistening snow (I chose not to ski). We left Winterplace and headed back to the Montreat region, spending the night at Jennifer’s parents house. On Saturday, we stopped at a J.Crew outlet, and had a great drive through Eastern Tennessee. I got home around 6 (back in Central time) to finally live out of a closet instead of a suitcase.
Today, although slightly cold, is a beautiful day in Nashville. The sun is shining and church was fulfilling. It was great to be back in this community, to be greeted with open arms and smiling faces. I’ve all ready had several offers to share coffee, engage in more church responsibilities, and to build more relationships. With the Vanderbilt school year resuming soon, I’m excited to see what this semester will hold. I will be sharing part of my life story on January 19th, to go along with the PSF theme: Stories We Live By. Our Guatemala trip is coming together well, as we fund raise together and begin to learn about that culture and peoples. It’s an exciting new time in my life and ministry . . . as I hope you can tell.
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