That was the bolded title of the paragraph that told the members of Downtown Pres where I've been. That was the question my sister Kayla asked in regards to my blog. It’s been a popular question these last few days and weeks, and I’m finally settled long enough to answer.
I headed home to PA on December 19th, the day of that frightful snow storm that plagued most of the East coast. Thankfully, I was able to get into Erie without any delay or issue. Christmas was better than I had expected and my week and a few days with family was gone before I had time to really settle in.
On December 30th, I headed back down South with my good friend and former NEP YAV, Katie Mohr. It was great to catch up with her. Once I got to Nashville, the whirlwind began. I went to a birthday party, ate at Rose Pepper, attended the Guitar Drop on the 31st, and spent New Year’s Day with Katie and new friends Megan and Wes, to get pedicures, watch movies, and other important self-care things. Then it was time to pack up (again) and head out for a week of PSF/Vanderbilt activities.
Saturday the 2nd was the day I headed to my first experience in Montreat, NC. Montreat is a conference center run by the PC(USA). It was a beautiful place, with a glorious lake, grand stone buildings, and about 800 college students. I've heard for a long time that the PC(USA) is a small world, with people knowing about each other. I found this to be the truth as I ran into people from the Summer Youth Institute, a friend from Columbia Seminary, and met plenty of people who knew people I knew. The sermons, lessons, keynotes, and general conversations were enlightening and inspiring. Texts that I’ve been struggling to understand (i.e. - Matthew 15.21-28), suddenly made sense, and I found myself explaining the interpretation to the students I was with. My two workshops on being a YAV, and the process of how to become one went nicely. I enjoyed coffee and great conversation with Ellie Johns and the five other SYI alums that were there. And the late night discussion with our group about interfaith dialogue, and God was deep and wide; much like the conference itself. My favorite part was my phone conversation with my Gram, around the partially frozen Lake Susan with the two white swans swimming nearby—truly a time filled with God’s presence.
Jennifer, a freshman student, and I then ventured to Winterplace, West Virginia a ski resort for a three day ski trip. We met up with the students and PSF from Middle Tennessee State University (MTSU). Although it wasn’t quiet what I had expected, I enjoyed getting to know the MTSU students, reading, and walking in the glistening snow (I chose not to ski). We left Winterplace and headed back to the Montreat region, spending the night at Jennifer’s parents house. On Saturday, we stopped at a J.Crew outlet, and had a great drive through Eastern Tennessee. I got home around 6 (back in Central time) to finally live out of a closet instead of a suitcase.
Today, although slightly cold, is a beautiful day in Nashville. The sun is shining and church was fulfilling. It was great to be back in this community, to be greeted with open arms and smiling faces. I’ve all ready had several offers to share coffee, engage in more church responsibilities, and to build more relationships. With the Vanderbilt school year resuming soon, I’m excited to see what this semester will hold. I will be sharing part of my life story on January 19th, to go along with the PSF theme: Stories We Live By. Our Guatemala trip is coming together well, as we fund raise together and begin to learn about that culture and peoples. It’s an exciting new time in my life and ministry . . . as I hope you can tell.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Thursday, December 17, 2009
relation to God
On my way to work today, I made eye contact with an apparent homeless man who was crossing the street. I smiled at him, and wondered where he was headed. I noticed, via my side mirror, that he put his bag down at the bus stop and then pulled out a cardboard sign. He then walked up and down the sidewalk, carrying his sign with him. I never actually saw his sign, but I'm sure I can guess what it said. It was probably something about being homeless, something about needing a ride or food, or even how he is a veteran.
When the light turned green, I drove on. I carried his face and apparent situation with me as I traveled through downtown Nashville, seeing other homeless people wandering around. I saw empty cans, plastic bags, and even a sleeping bag under a bridge I passed.
I've blogged before about how I've noticed the homeless community around me. How I pray for open eyes to see the need. But today it meant more and was heavier on my heart than before.
I didn't know what to do. So I stuck with routine. I opened my emails to find that Ken, my pastor here in Nashville, had sent out an email. It was a link to a news clip that aired last night about giving food to the homeless, highlighting Downtown's Wednesday lunch program. In the news clip, Ken said something that spoke right to my heart:
Wherever I am, if I am close to God, God will help me see the need of those around me.
I don't know how close (or far) I am from God most days. I know that I could be a lot closer, I could focus much more energy on my relationship with God, and that I have a lot of love to share that I don't. But there's something deep about Ken's quote, something that I've been trying to process all day long. Is that what it feels/looks like to be in relationship with God: to see the needs that surround you and act out of love to make the world better? Suddenly, I feel like that could be a very real answer to a very important question.
When the light turned green, I drove on. I carried his face and apparent situation with me as I traveled through downtown Nashville, seeing other homeless people wandering around. I saw empty cans, plastic bags, and even a sleeping bag under a bridge I passed.
I've blogged before about how I've noticed the homeless community around me. How I pray for open eyes to see the need. But today it meant more and was heavier on my heart than before.
I didn't know what to do. So I stuck with routine. I opened my emails to find that Ken, my pastor here in Nashville, had sent out an email. It was a link to a news clip that aired last night about giving food to the homeless, highlighting Downtown's Wednesday lunch program. In the news clip, Ken said something that spoke right to my heart:
Wherever I am, if I am close to God, God will help me see the need of those around me.
I don't know how close (or far) I am from God most days. I know that I could be a lot closer, I could focus much more energy on my relationship with God, and that I have a lot of love to share that I don't. But there's something deep about Ken's quote, something that I've been trying to process all day long. Is that what it feels/looks like to be in relationship with God: to see the needs that surround you and act out of love to make the world better? Suddenly, I feel like that could be a very real answer to a very important question.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Advent Reality
It's been a hard day for me. A friend, the first friend I made at Vanderbilt, had a stroke yesterday. He is a young, healthy, law student, with a lot of ambition and potential. My heart is breaking for him and his family as they deal with all of this with Christmas so quickly approaching. My aunt had hip replacement surgery today too; which means Olson Christmas will be different. And of course Janson Christmas will be very different too. And it's final season on campus. You can feel the tension in the air.
Until today, I was feeling very relaxed and comfortable. Life was good, my big tasks and hurdles were completed a few days ago. I felt good about how everything came about: Sunday school, Alternative Gift Fair, the PSF Advent party, the Campus Wide Advent service. I was hopeful and expectant, as Advent challenges us to be. I was relishing in the sun & warm weather, embracing the many possibilities for my life post my YAV year, and enjoying spending time with the community I've established here.
In a matter of a few hours, it's become so much more complicated and uncomfortable. I know that joy and sorrow, calm and chaos are all to be expected in life. It still is crappy when life gets all shook up again though. So, I get by through praying for comfort and peace; healing and renewal of spirits; for hope to bless us all in the moments of hopelessness. That's the reality of Advent: finding a reason to be hopeful and expectant in a world and time when it's so hard to do that.
Until today, I was feeling very relaxed and comfortable. Life was good, my big tasks and hurdles were completed a few days ago. I felt good about how everything came about: Sunday school, Alternative Gift Fair, the PSF Advent party, the Campus Wide Advent service. I was hopeful and expectant, as Advent challenges us to be. I was relishing in the sun & warm weather, embracing the many possibilities for my life post my YAV year, and enjoying spending time with the community I've established here.
In a matter of a few hours, it's become so much more complicated and uncomfortable. I know that joy and sorrow, calm and chaos are all to be expected in life. It still is crappy when life gets all shook up again though. So, I get by through praying for comfort and peace; healing and renewal of spirits; for hope to bless us all in the moments of hopelessness. That's the reality of Advent: finding a reason to be hopeful and expectant in a world and time when it's so hard to do that.
Monday, December 14, 2009
PSF Devo
This is the devotion that I wrote for the weekly email Presbyterian Student Fellowship sends out each Monday. I hope it moves you and causes you to think of the life changing moments you have each day. Blessings!
Sunday night was my first Christmas pageant experience. It was quite an experience: costumes, props, singing, joking, and a for-real videographer. I went with some of my housemates to Second Presbyterian’s “The Backwards Christmas Pageant.” I didn’t understand the title until the play started and the wise people appeared first. Then it dawned on me: backwards means the story is going to go backwards.
As the pageant continued, the story got closer to Jesus. The wise people came and went; the shepherds disappeared before the audience knew where they had fled to (the manager), and the sheep continued to wander through the sanctuary. Near the end of the pageant, Mary and Joseph were talking about what it meant to welcome Jesus into their lives. Joseph was questioning how Mary felt about it all—especially the part with the angel telling her she was to have God’s son, when she simply replied: “There are moments that change everything, and this was one of them.” Later in the pageant, as the gathered characters stood over the manger, adoring the babe, the narrator kept saying: “This will change everything.”
We’ve all had those moments, the moments in our own lives that change everything: the moments of new life, death, moving away from home, trips to distant lands, deep conversations, etc. Beyond those moments, there was a babe born in a manger who changed everything. His life was a million moments that changed everything—from the angel that proclaimed his birth, to the miracles, to a painful death on a cross, to a glorious resurrection. Every moment about his life changed everything we know. All of his moments make our life changing moments mean something much more.
While this Advent season is full of finals and heading home for the holidays, remember that each and every moment you have in your life has the power and the ability to change things, just as all of Christ’s moments have changed everything.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people.
To all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God, who were born, not of blood or of the will of the flesh or of the will of man, but of God. John 1. 1-4; 12-13
Sunday night was my first Christmas pageant experience. It was quite an experience: costumes, props, singing, joking, and a for-real videographer. I went with some of my housemates to Second Presbyterian’s “The Backwards Christmas Pageant.” I didn’t understand the title until the play started and the wise people appeared first. Then it dawned on me: backwards means the story is going to go backwards.
As the pageant continued, the story got closer to Jesus. The wise people came and went; the shepherds disappeared before the audience knew where they had fled to (the manager), and the sheep continued to wander through the sanctuary. Near the end of the pageant, Mary and Joseph were talking about what it meant to welcome Jesus into their lives. Joseph was questioning how Mary felt about it all—especially the part with the angel telling her she was to have God’s son, when she simply replied: “There are moments that change everything, and this was one of them.” Later in the pageant, as the gathered characters stood over the manger, adoring the babe, the narrator kept saying: “This will change everything.”
We’ve all had those moments, the moments in our own lives that change everything: the moments of new life, death, moving away from home, trips to distant lands, deep conversations, etc. Beyond those moments, there was a babe born in a manger who changed everything. His life was a million moments that changed everything—from the angel that proclaimed his birth, to the miracles, to a painful death on a cross, to a glorious resurrection. Every moment about his life changed everything we know. All of his moments make our life changing moments mean something much more.
While this Advent season is full of finals and heading home for the holidays, remember that each and every moment you have in your life has the power and the ability to change things, just as all of Christ’s moments have changed everything.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people.
To all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God, who were born, not of blood or of the will of the flesh or of the will of man, but of God. John 1. 1-4; 12-13
Monday, December 7, 2009
Advent adoration
It's 10:56pm Central time, and I just got home from work. Granted I went in at 2pm this afternoon, so I did put in my 8 hours. But I got home so late tonight because of the Campus Wide Advent service. Jennifer and I put the worship service together, and then other other campus ministers did readings and had students from their fellowship groups share stories based on the liturgy. We used a liturgy that focused on some of the signs of Advent: the cedar branch which is a sign of majesty, holly and ivy as signs of pain and love, the evergreen wreath as a sign of life and peace, and finally the Christmas tree, a sign of light in darkness.
It was a beautiful service. . . ending in carols and candle light. And as I stood there, singing, "O Come, All Ye Faithful" with my lit candle, I was struck by how the Spirit was moving through St. Augustine's chapel. Even though I did help plan the service, and therefore am a bit bias, I think it might be the most moving Advent service I have been to.
I was also struck with what it means to 'adore' Christ. When I think of the word 'adore,' I immediately think of a cute baby that someone is cooing over; chubby checks to squeeze, and bright open eyes that are trying to take in and make sense of the whole world. Is that what Jesus was like in the manager. . . trying to take in the whole world with his mother cooing over his head? Or was he all ready aware at that point of his role in the world, that he would in fact take in the whole world with his love?
What does it look like for me to adore him now? How do I go about adoring Christ? There is so much in this world that is not adorable, how do I move beyond that? How do I come before Christ and adore him?
I've just decided that that question is going to be my Advent prayer; that in this time of expectant waiting and hoping, that I would find out what it means/looks like to come to Christ the Lord and adore him.
It was a beautiful service. . . ending in carols and candle light. And as I stood there, singing, "O Come, All Ye Faithful" with my lit candle, I was struck by how the Spirit was moving through St. Augustine's chapel. Even though I did help plan the service, and therefore am a bit bias, I think it might be the most moving Advent service I have been to.
I was also struck with what it means to 'adore' Christ. When I think of the word 'adore,' I immediately think of a cute baby that someone is cooing over; chubby checks to squeeze, and bright open eyes that are trying to take in and make sense of the whole world. Is that what Jesus was like in the manager. . . trying to take in the whole world with his mother cooing over his head? Or was he all ready aware at that point of his role in the world, that he would in fact take in the whole world with his love?
What does it look like for me to adore him now? How do I go about adoring Christ? There is so much in this world that is not adorable, how do I move beyond that? How do I come before Christ and adore him?
I've just decided that that question is going to be my Advent prayer; that in this time of expectant waiting and hoping, that I would find out what it means/looks like to come to Christ the Lord and adore him.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
strenghts and weaknesses
Yesterday, as is usual for the Nashville YAV community, we gathered for our time of vocational discernment. This week we talked about the book we read: "Community and Growth." It was a good book, a little long, but a good read on all aspects of Christian community. While discussing one of the chapters, Liz shared a thought that has been on my mind ever since. Liz shared that: "I came into this year thinking I would be working on my strengths, instead I've been working on all my weaknesses."
The same thing has been true in my life. I've been working on all the things that challenge me: saying 'no,' trying to find balance, passing judgment, speaking up for what I believe in. . . this list could go on, but I'm sure you get the point.
The YAV motto is: A year of service for a lifetime of change. While I'm sure I've made some change through PSF or maybe even Downtown Pres, I'm realizing now that a lot of change is happening within me, in how I view the world, and in the life I'm now living. Working on my weaknesses is hard, but it will certainly create a change in me.
The same thing has been true in my life. I've been working on all the things that challenge me: saying 'no,' trying to find balance, passing judgment, speaking up for what I believe in. . . this list could go on, but I'm sure you get the point.
The YAV motto is: A year of service for a lifetime of change. While I'm sure I've made some change through PSF or maybe even Downtown Pres, I'm realizing now that a lot of change is happening within me, in how I view the world, and in the life I'm now living. Working on my weaknesses is hard, but it will certainly create a change in me.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
lists
December 1st marked the beginning of my fourth month in Nashville. And in the day to day hustle and bustle, so much happens. And while some thoughts and sights are profound, or interesting, or challenging, this blog entry is simply going to be a list of some of the ways I've spent the last three months.
At Vanderbilt, with the Presbyterian Student Fellowship, I:
-take students out for coffee and conversation
-help to physically prepare our worship space each Tuesday night
-participate in Tuesday night worship
-send emails, hand-written cards, text messages, facebook posts to students, graduate students, Jennifer, and other campus ministers. Occasionally family and friends get them too. :)
-have lunch in the First Year cafeteria each Monday
-attend the graduate Theology on Tap program each Thursday night
-go to the mission events, monthly Council meetings(imagine a college session meeting), and have even gone to a Board meeting
-go grocery shopping for the ministry events, and occasionally cook the food
-have gone white water rafting, to Memphis for fall break, and am planning/helping to organize the Montreat College Conference trip, the Ski trip, and the spring break trip to Guatemala
-participate in a Bible Study and led a four week discussion group on discernment and call
In Nashville I:
-have played in the Bicentennial Mall fountains
-hiked at Radnor Lake
-have enjoyed the green ways at Shelby Bottoms
-used the airport four times in three months
-enjoyed the ArtCrawl downtown
-have learned (slowly) the highway and road systems
For the Nashville Epiphany Project (my host agency, so to speak) I:
-attend Friday morning sessions with the seven other YAVs and Susan to talk about life, discernment, discuss books we've been reading, and listening to other people tell their discernment stories
-live with four of the YAVs in an 1,100sq. ft. house in East Nashville
-have intentional community time each Monday night
-attend church at Downtown Presbyterian Church
-meet with Janet, a career counselor and an ordained PC(USA) pastor
-meet with Susan to "check in" about how I'm doing
At Downtown Pres I:
-worship
-will be teaching Sunday school on my trip to Malawi, and how that influenced me to become a YAV
-serve lunch and breakfast to the homeless people who gather on Wednesday afternoons and Sunday mornings
-work with Habitat for Humanity
-visit with new found friends
-serve at their annual 'Waffle Shop' fundraiser (imagine an entire church fellowship hall filled with the smell of waffles, grits, sausage, and coffee.)
-have breakfast and share stories and laughs, and occasionally tears with the pastor, Ken
-am slowly embracing the community there that is embracing me
In my own life and faith life I:
-was worried and in constant prayer for my Gramps and Gram through the whole cancer struggle, and cried each time something happened that I couldn't be present in PA for
-continue to mourn Gramps' loss, while trying to rejoice in the promise of the Church Triumphant
-question often what my call in life is
-wonder what God wants me to do next year
-try to imagine living in Nashville long term or moving to a new place
-struggle to stay in contact with people from Westminster and Erie
-struggle to keep healthy life boundaries
As I hope you can tell I'm loving this city, the people I work, live, and fellowship with, the work I'm doing, and the growth I know is transpiring by constantly putting myself out there and processing all the changes that have happened.
But then there is the whole being away from family and friends as exciting and difficult things happen. There is the self-imposed urgency on what my next step in life will be. And then the Advent/Christmas chaos is also settling in. It's safe to say that I'm not entirely emotionally stable with all that's going on. But I've been thinking and processing, reflecting and talking about all that's going on, which is constantly proving to be helpful. A lot has happened in three months; and in the months to follow there is going to be much more . . . and I can only imagine what that list is going to look like.
At Vanderbilt, with the Presbyterian Student Fellowship, I:
-take students out for coffee and conversation
-help to physically prepare our worship space each Tuesday night
-participate in Tuesday night worship
-send emails, hand-written cards, text messages, facebook posts to students, graduate students, Jennifer, and other campus ministers. Occasionally family and friends get them too. :)
-have lunch in the First Year cafeteria each Monday
-attend the graduate Theology on Tap program each Thursday night
-go to the mission events, monthly Council meetings(imagine a college session meeting), and have even gone to a Board meeting
-go grocery shopping for the ministry events, and occasionally cook the food
-have gone white water rafting, to Memphis for fall break, and am planning/helping to organize the Montreat College Conference trip, the Ski trip, and the spring break trip to Guatemala
-participate in a Bible Study and led a four week discussion group on discernment and call
In Nashville I:
-have played in the Bicentennial Mall fountains
-hiked at Radnor Lake
-have enjoyed the green ways at Shelby Bottoms
-used the airport four times in three months
-enjoyed the ArtCrawl downtown
-have learned (slowly) the highway and road systems
For the Nashville Epiphany Project (my host agency, so to speak) I:
-attend Friday morning sessions with the seven other YAVs and Susan to talk about life, discernment, discuss books we've been reading, and listening to other people tell their discernment stories
-live with four of the YAVs in an 1,100sq. ft. house in East Nashville
-have intentional community time each Monday night
-attend church at Downtown Presbyterian Church
-meet with Janet, a career counselor and an ordained PC(USA) pastor
-meet with Susan to "check in" about how I'm doing
At Downtown Pres I:
-worship
-will be teaching Sunday school on my trip to Malawi, and how that influenced me to become a YAV
-serve lunch and breakfast to the homeless people who gather on Wednesday afternoons and Sunday mornings
-work with Habitat for Humanity
-visit with new found friends
-serve at their annual 'Waffle Shop' fundraiser (imagine an entire church fellowship hall filled with the smell of waffles, grits, sausage, and coffee.)
-have breakfast and share stories and laughs, and occasionally tears with the pastor, Ken
-am slowly embracing the community there that is embracing me
In my own life and faith life I:
-was worried and in constant prayer for my Gramps and Gram through the whole cancer struggle, and cried each time something happened that I couldn't be present in PA for
-continue to mourn Gramps' loss, while trying to rejoice in the promise of the Church Triumphant
-question often what my call in life is
-wonder what God wants me to do next year
-try to imagine living in Nashville long term or moving to a new place
-struggle to stay in contact with people from Westminster and Erie
-struggle to keep healthy life boundaries
As I hope you can tell I'm loving this city, the people I work, live, and fellowship with, the work I'm doing, and the growth I know is transpiring by constantly putting myself out there and processing all the changes that have happened.
But then there is the whole being away from family and friends as exciting and difficult things happen. There is the self-imposed urgency on what my next step in life will be. And then the Advent/Christmas chaos is also settling in. It's safe to say that I'm not entirely emotionally stable with all that's going on. But I've been thinking and processing, reflecting and talking about all that's going on, which is constantly proving to be helpful. A lot has happened in three months; and in the months to follow there is going to be much more . . . and I can only imagine what that list is going to look like.
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