It’s hard to believe that my time as a YAV is nearly complete. My year commitment is in its final two weeks, and I’m left wondering (as I think we all do at times of transition): “Have I made a difference?”
When people ask what I’ve learned and experienced this year, I typically say something about lots of personal growth, change and struggle. Sometimes I mention that I’ve lived this year in intentional Christian community, spent time each week in discernment, and have served through the lens of social justice. I’ve told people that I worked with the Presbyterian Campus Ministry on the campuses of Belmont and Vanderbilt Universities, and often took students to coffee shops to hear their stories. And while all of that is true, it doesn’t tell the whole story of what this year means to my life. When I reflect upon my “year of service for a lifetime of change” (which is the YAV motto) I think of many powerful moments:
The fall break trip was a social justice trip to Memphis. A week before the trip, a senior student asked if there were scholarships available so she might be able to go on the trip. We were able to give her a full scholarship and she joined us. On the second night of the trip, we helped serve a dinner for the homeless community. A beautiful thing happened during that meal. The student sat down and spent most of the evening talking with the folks at one of the tables. I later learned that was the first time she had ever interacted with anyone who was homeless.
After a long night (and early morning) helping students host Room in the Inn, I invited two students to join me for a coffee at Starbucks. I wasn’t thinking about anything beyond my personal need for some caffeine. But those students had a lot on their minds and hearts that they needed to talk about. We spent two hours talking that morning. We talked about life, about God, about what it means to be a Christian, about the life-changing impacts of our spring break trip to Guatemala and what it looks like to bring one’s faith into everyday life. Two hours of authentic, Spirit-filled conversation.
Walking into Downtown Presbyterian Church one sunny Sunday morning, I smiled at a group of men gathered on the stairs. It was a group of men who would have frightened me at the beginning of my time at Downtown. On this particular morning, I took my sunglasses off before entering the narthex and said “hello” with a smile. One of the men looked up at me, and thanked me. He thanked me for noticing him and for sharing a smile.
For several years, people have told me that I needed to pursue a theological education. I’ve always tried to run from such a calling. In March my supervisor at Presbyterian Campus Ministry asked me to preach and for whatever reason I said yes. In the midst of my sermon, I knew with confidence and joy that I was doing what God had created me to do. I couldn’t run anymore. I knew in that moment that I was going to seminary.
When I first read the YAV motto, I did not really think that my life would change after a year of service. I knew lives would change and that growth would transpire. I assumed that I would be an agent in changing the lives around me.
Beyond anything else, I have changed this year. I’ve been forced to embrace who it is that I am. I’ve learned what it means to grieve, to face conflict, to be assertive. I have learned the power in walking with others, of being present, and the power in listening. While I’m sure it’s been happening for a while, I am becoming the person I have always hoped to become. I’ve finally accepted my calling to go to seminary. I’ll venture to another new place, Columbia Theological Seminary, and start another chapter of my life there in September.
This year of service in Nashville brought about a deep change within me. Thank you for being some of the people who have encouraged me this year. Thank you for welcoming me into your community as a stranger and for letting me venture on knowing that I have a place in Nashville to return to. I took a risk in coming to Nashville as a Young Adult Volunteer. I took the risk the song “The Summons” offers: ‘will you go where you don’t know and never be the same?’ I took that risk . . . and I will never be the same.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
One Month
It's July 1.
I am done being a YAV on July 31.
I have one month left of service. One month left.
On August 1, I hope to be in Pennsylvania.
Where has the time gone?
Some days, I'm eager to finish up this year and move on.
I'm excited for a single apartment; exploring a new state; starting school.
But also sad, esepcially when I hear about the plans for PSF next year.
For the friends I'll be leaving behind.
Sad for the community I've worked so hard to build.
On August 1, I hope to be in Pennsylvania.
I have one month left of service. One month left.
I am done being a YAV on July 31.
It's July 1.
One month left.
I am done being a YAV on July 31.
I have one month left of service. One month left.
On August 1, I hope to be in Pennsylvania.
Where has the time gone?
Some days, I'm eager to finish up this year and move on.
I'm excited for a single apartment; exploring a new state; starting school.
But also sad, esepcially when I hear about the plans for PSF next year.
For the friends I'll be leaving behind.
Sad for the community I've worked so hard to build.
On August 1, I hope to be in Pennsylvania.
I have one month left of service. One month left.
I am done being a YAV on July 31.
It's July 1.
One month left.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Montreat
I often describe myself as a "Proud Presbyterian." I love our traditions, our way of doing things (although committees can be overrated at times!), and the work we engage. But besides the National offices in Louisville, I didn't have a place too deeply associate with being Presbyterian. That is until now! I have come back from my two weeks as a small group leader in love with Montreat.
Montreat is a beautiful community nestled within North Carolina's Black Mountains. And for the last two weeks, I have been there helping with two weeks of Montreat's youth conferences. Both weeks I had a group of nearly 30 high schoolers who gathered together for three hours a day to talk about life, keynote addresses, and have fun together. The small group time was more of what I've learned to love in this YAV year: community building, deep conversations, new relationships, and serving God.
The leadership and those who spoke in Keynotes and preached in Worship were the same both weeks. It was powerful to hear each of their messages twice, as I heard different things each time. The Spirit revealed new things to me, encouraging me, and I hopefully encouraged and challenged the youth I worked with. I was told several times that the little things I said in a passing moment or the "hard question" I asked meant a lot. That's all the Spirit. I'm just thankful in that moment I was willing/open to being a vessel.
Before heading to Montreat, I prayed that I would have relationships form that would last. As I've learned over and over again this year, God is good. Not only did I meet several new friends, but two of them will be starting Hebrew with me in September at Columbia Seminary. I met several pastors (most graduates of Columbia) whose stories touched my story. I made new connections, networked a little, and experienced an amazing community. One of my new friends was even suppose to be an intern at PSF this year; it's sad we just met and became friends. And two of my friends from PSF work there, and it's always wonderful to be in their company.
My time at Montreat was a lot of things: exhausting, exciting, passion-filled, a learning experience. . . . It's a place where the concepts of the Biblical church are lived out, where community and God matters. As the President of Montreat says: it's a thin place, where heaven and earth met and you aren't sure which is which.
p.s.-Last weekend, in between my two weeks at Montreat, I flew home to Erie to be presented to the Presbytery of Lake Erie as an Inquirer candidate. Following a brief introduction, answering a few questions, a vote was taken and I am an official Inquirer for Ordination of the Word and Sacrament. Five months ago, I never would have thought this to be the path I would take. But God is good. Thanks for your prayers as I continue to discern God's path.
Montreat is a beautiful community nestled within North Carolina's Black Mountains. And for the last two weeks, I have been there helping with two weeks of Montreat's youth conferences. Both weeks I had a group of nearly 30 high schoolers who gathered together for three hours a day to talk about life, keynote addresses, and have fun together. The small group time was more of what I've learned to love in this YAV year: community building, deep conversations, new relationships, and serving God.
The leadership and those who spoke in Keynotes and preached in Worship were the same both weeks. It was powerful to hear each of their messages twice, as I heard different things each time. The Spirit revealed new things to me, encouraging me, and I hopefully encouraged and challenged the youth I worked with. I was told several times that the little things I said in a passing moment or the "hard question" I asked meant a lot. That's all the Spirit. I'm just thankful in that moment I was willing/open to being a vessel.
Before heading to Montreat, I prayed that I would have relationships form that would last. As I've learned over and over again this year, God is good. Not only did I meet several new friends, but two of them will be starting Hebrew with me in September at Columbia Seminary. I met several pastors (most graduates of Columbia) whose stories touched my story. I made new connections, networked a little, and experienced an amazing community. One of my new friends was even suppose to be an intern at PSF this year; it's sad we just met and became friends. And two of my friends from PSF work there, and it's always wonderful to be in their company.
My time at Montreat was a lot of things: exhausting, exciting, passion-filled, a learning experience. . . . It's a place where the concepts of the Biblical church are lived out, where community and God matters. As the President of Montreat says: it's a thin place, where heaven and earth met and you aren't sure which is which.
p.s.-Last weekend, in between my two weeks at Montreat, I flew home to Erie to be presented to the Presbytery of Lake Erie as an Inquirer candidate. Following a brief introduction, answering a few questions, a vote was taken and I am an official Inquirer for Ordination of the Word and Sacrament. Five months ago, I never would have thought this to be the path I would take. But God is good. Thanks for your prayers as I continue to discern God's path.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
quick update
Why hello, hot and humid month of June!
Hard to believe there are only two months left of my eleven month YAV commitment. I'm excited to move onto the next chapter of my life (minus driving in Atlanta and taking Hebrew), but am sad to think that my time in Nashville is almost up. Luckily, my list of things to do and see in Nashvegas only has about six things left, which is doable in few weeks I have left.
On Saturday, I leave Nashville for two weeks. I'll be serving as a small group leader for the first two weeks of the Montreat Youth Conference. I'm really excited! Small groups, especially leading them, has always been a life-giving activity for me. There's something wonderful about helping others come closer to God in all they do. And the idea of being in the Black Mountains of North Carolina should be pretty great too. Is it silly that part of me wants to see Billy Graham while I'm there? Probably.
In between my two Montreat weeks, I'll be heading to PA for a Lake Erie Presbytery meeting. If all goes well, I should be officially taken under care by the Presbytery and become an Inquirer. This is a huge step, and I'm so thankful that all the people back home have been so willing and flexible to help make this happen for me.
It's crazy to stop and think about everything that has happened this year. I'm so blessed. There have been many blessings and many prayers here in Nashville. I had no idea a year ago what a great name I had picked for this blog.
Hard to believe there are only two months left of my eleven month YAV commitment. I'm excited to move onto the next chapter of my life (minus driving in Atlanta and taking Hebrew), but am sad to think that my time in Nashville is almost up. Luckily, my list of things to do and see in Nashvegas only has about six things left, which is doable in few weeks I have left.
On Saturday, I leave Nashville for two weeks. I'll be serving as a small group leader for the first two weeks of the Montreat Youth Conference. I'm really excited! Small groups, especially leading them, has always been a life-giving activity for me. There's something wonderful about helping others come closer to God in all they do. And the idea of being in the Black Mountains of North Carolina should be pretty great too. Is it silly that part of me wants to see Billy Graham while I'm there? Probably.
In between my two Montreat weeks, I'll be heading to PA for a Lake Erie Presbytery meeting. If all goes well, I should be officially taken under care by the Presbytery and become an Inquirer. This is a huge step, and I'm so thankful that all the people back home have been so willing and flexible to help make this happen for me.
It's crazy to stop and think about everything that has happened this year. I'm so blessed. There have been many blessings and many prayers here in Nashville. I had no idea a year ago what a great name I had picked for this blog.
Monday, May 24, 2010
PSF reflections
It's pretty quiet here in Vandyland. Graduation was on the 14th, and since then the campus feels deserted. I'm sadder than I thought I would be without the students around. I feel like my purpose for being in Nashville left with them all. They were, after all, the focus of most of my days and the majority of my non-YAV community.
The silence that engulfs the campus though calls me to reflect upon my time with the PSF community. I came in September unsure of what I was doing; not knowing how to build community, and lacking in confidence that I could handle the task at hand. As the year evolved, I discovered that I loved the planning, the execution, and the behind the scenes work that so much of the Vanderbilt PSF work demanded. Being a part of the planning that made "life-changing moments" is pretty incredible. I discovered a passion in authentic conversation (especially with a tea or chai in hand) and the joy of fostering relationships of meaning. I was reminded of my love for proclaiming the Word, my fears of entering hospitals, and how sometimes the most important thing is just to be present with someone as they move through trials. I had my share of failures and anxieties. But I made incredible memories of triumph, and joy, and plenty of new relationships. I helped make two mission trips realities, learned to ask hard questions, and discovered that there is something, indescribably profound in the moments one feels God's presence.
My life has certainly been enriched with the work I did with PSF Nashville. I also miss the busy-ness that was my life; although the time for rest is nice. But there is something to be said for the pace of life on a college/university campus. I still haven't found anywhere else that compares.
The silence that engulfs the campus though calls me to reflect upon my time with the PSF community. I came in September unsure of what I was doing; not knowing how to build community, and lacking in confidence that I could handle the task at hand. As the year evolved, I discovered that I loved the planning, the execution, and the behind the scenes work that so much of the Vanderbilt PSF work demanded. Being a part of the planning that made "life-changing moments" is pretty incredible. I discovered a passion in authentic conversation (especially with a tea or chai in hand) and the joy of fostering relationships of meaning. I was reminded of my love for proclaiming the Word, my fears of entering hospitals, and how sometimes the most important thing is just to be present with someone as they move through trials. I had my share of failures and anxieties. But I made incredible memories of triumph, and joy, and plenty of new relationships. I helped make two mission trips realities, learned to ask hard questions, and discovered that there is something, indescribably profound in the moments one feels God's presence.
My life has certainly been enriched with the work I did with PSF Nashville. I also miss the busy-ness that was my life; although the time for rest is nice. But there is something to be said for the pace of life on a college/university campus. I still haven't found anywhere else that compares.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
traveling home
On Mother's Day, I flew out of Nashville and arrived in Erie. It was a exciting couple of days in Erie. I surprised both Grandmothers (one much more than the other!) and attended two very important meetings to help start off my time at Columbia Seminary.
The first meeting was a gathering of my home church's Session, for me to discuss why I've decided to go to seminary and pursue ordination. It was a wonderful meeting. . . it felt so good to be home and around people who know more than this year of my story. It was incredibly affirming to share with them all, and to hear their thoughts and feelings when I was done talking.
On Monday I went to the Lake Erie Presbytery office to attend the Committee on Preparation for Ministry meeting. This CPM meeting was the next hoop to jump through in hopes that they would endorse me and then present me to the Presbytery meeting in June. This meeting was also very affirming and very positive. I really enjoyed my time with them all; even if I did do most of the talking!
I left Erie sad on Tuesday morning. It doesn't get easier to leave home, especially not when I've had such a great time with the people who know me. And the idea of being about four more hours away from Erie (Columbia is just outside of Atlanta) for three years makes me sad too. But I also know that I can't deny the notion of being called to Columbia, to seminary, and to ordination. So, I'll venture further away to pursue what I need to. And maybe someday, I'll move closer to Erie and the people who know so much of my story. Until then, I'll keep building community in new places and venturing forth.
The first meeting was a gathering of my home church's Session, for me to discuss why I've decided to go to seminary and pursue ordination. It was a wonderful meeting. . . it felt so good to be home and around people who know more than this year of my story. It was incredibly affirming to share with them all, and to hear their thoughts and feelings when I was done talking.
On Monday I went to the Lake Erie Presbytery office to attend the Committee on Preparation for Ministry meeting. This CPM meeting was the next hoop to jump through in hopes that they would endorse me and then present me to the Presbytery meeting in June. This meeting was also very affirming and very positive. I really enjoyed my time with them all; even if I did do most of the talking!
I left Erie sad on Tuesday morning. It doesn't get easier to leave home, especially not when I've had such a great time with the people who know me. And the idea of being about four more hours away from Erie (Columbia is just outside of Atlanta) for three years makes me sad too. But I also know that I can't deny the notion of being called to Columbia, to seminary, and to ordination. So, I'll venture further away to pursue what I need to. And maybe someday, I'll move closer to Erie and the people who know so much of my story. Until then, I'll keep building community in new places and venturing forth.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
flood
When I asked my parents to ship my work boots down to Music City in March, I never suspected that I would end up using them more in Nashville than in Guatemala. (I actually didn't even take them with me to Guatemala).
The last three days (and again tomorrow) I've headed out into suburbia Nashville to help with flood recovery. It's a mess. Lives have been lost, tangible memories are soggy or destroyed, and my heart aches for all of it.
I've helped a co-worker save pictures from his flooded basement, torn up a hardwood floor at a stranger's house. Today I choked back tears as I helped an 85 year old woman salvage cards and pictures that her husband hadn't even signed before he died three years ago. I ripped out soggy drywall and tossed it into a heaping pile at another house.
Someone asked me today if this is what I ever expected to do during my YAV year. I laughed at the time, and answered that no, this was not on my list of expectations. Now I say no with a lump in my throat as I allow my thoughts and feelings to settle. It certainly has been a year full of the unexpected. And this flood and consequential devastation, as well as recovery work in my own city, was (and continues to be)on the top of my "totally unexpected" list.
I wish I could better articulate what I've been seeing and feeling. I don't know if it is a limited vocabulary or an overwhelming sense of emotion on my part. All I know for certain is that this city that I love is suffering.
The last three days (and again tomorrow) I've headed out into suburbia Nashville to help with flood recovery. It's a mess. Lives have been lost, tangible memories are soggy or destroyed, and my heart aches for all of it.
I've helped a co-worker save pictures from his flooded basement, torn up a hardwood floor at a stranger's house. Today I choked back tears as I helped an 85 year old woman salvage cards and pictures that her husband hadn't even signed before he died three years ago. I ripped out soggy drywall and tossed it into a heaping pile at another house.
Someone asked me today if this is what I ever expected to do during my YAV year. I laughed at the time, and answered that no, this was not on my list of expectations. Now I say no with a lump in my throat as I allow my thoughts and feelings to settle. It certainly has been a year full of the unexpected. And this flood and consequential devastation, as well as recovery work in my own city, was (and continues to be)on the top of my "totally unexpected" list.
I wish I could better articulate what I've been seeing and feeling. I don't know if it is a limited vocabulary or an overwhelming sense of emotion on my part. All I know for certain is that this city that I love is suffering.
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