I often describe myself as a "Proud Presbyterian." I love our traditions, our way of doing things (although committees can be overrated at times!), and the work we engage. But besides the National offices in Louisville, I didn't have a place too deeply associate with being Presbyterian. That is until now! I have come back from my two weeks as a small group leader in love with Montreat.
Montreat is a beautiful community nestled within North Carolina's Black Mountains. And for the last two weeks, I have been there helping with two weeks of Montreat's youth conferences. Both weeks I had a group of nearly 30 high schoolers who gathered together for three hours a day to talk about life, keynote addresses, and have fun together. The small group time was more of what I've learned to love in this YAV year: community building, deep conversations, new relationships, and serving God.
The leadership and those who spoke in Keynotes and preached in Worship were the same both weeks. It was powerful to hear each of their messages twice, as I heard different things each time. The Spirit revealed new things to me, encouraging me, and I hopefully encouraged and challenged the youth I worked with. I was told several times that the little things I said in a passing moment or the "hard question" I asked meant a lot. That's all the Spirit. I'm just thankful in that moment I was willing/open to being a vessel.
Before heading to Montreat, I prayed that I would have relationships form that would last. As I've learned over and over again this year, God is good. Not only did I meet several new friends, but two of them will be starting Hebrew with me in September at Columbia Seminary. I met several pastors (most graduates of Columbia) whose stories touched my story. I made new connections, networked a little, and experienced an amazing community. One of my new friends was even suppose to be an intern at PSF this year; it's sad we just met and became friends. And two of my friends from PSF work there, and it's always wonderful to be in their company.
My time at Montreat was a lot of things: exhausting, exciting, passion-filled, a learning experience. . . . It's a place where the concepts of the Biblical church are lived out, where community and God matters. As the President of Montreat says: it's a thin place, where heaven and earth met and you aren't sure which is which.
p.s.-Last weekend, in between my two weeks at Montreat, I flew home to Erie to be presented to the Presbytery of Lake Erie as an Inquirer candidate. Following a brief introduction, answering a few questions, a vote was taken and I am an official Inquirer for Ordination of the Word and Sacrament. Five months ago, I never would have thought this to be the path I would take. But God is good. Thanks for your prayers as I continue to discern God's path.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
quick update
Why hello, hot and humid month of June!
Hard to believe there are only two months left of my eleven month YAV commitment. I'm excited to move onto the next chapter of my life (minus driving in Atlanta and taking Hebrew), but am sad to think that my time in Nashville is almost up. Luckily, my list of things to do and see in Nashvegas only has about six things left, which is doable in few weeks I have left.
On Saturday, I leave Nashville for two weeks. I'll be serving as a small group leader for the first two weeks of the Montreat Youth Conference. I'm really excited! Small groups, especially leading them, has always been a life-giving activity for me. There's something wonderful about helping others come closer to God in all they do. And the idea of being in the Black Mountains of North Carolina should be pretty great too. Is it silly that part of me wants to see Billy Graham while I'm there? Probably.
In between my two Montreat weeks, I'll be heading to PA for a Lake Erie Presbytery meeting. If all goes well, I should be officially taken under care by the Presbytery and become an Inquirer. This is a huge step, and I'm so thankful that all the people back home have been so willing and flexible to help make this happen for me.
It's crazy to stop and think about everything that has happened this year. I'm so blessed. There have been many blessings and many prayers here in Nashville. I had no idea a year ago what a great name I had picked for this blog.
Hard to believe there are only two months left of my eleven month YAV commitment. I'm excited to move onto the next chapter of my life (minus driving in Atlanta and taking Hebrew), but am sad to think that my time in Nashville is almost up. Luckily, my list of things to do and see in Nashvegas only has about six things left, which is doable in few weeks I have left.
On Saturday, I leave Nashville for two weeks. I'll be serving as a small group leader for the first two weeks of the Montreat Youth Conference. I'm really excited! Small groups, especially leading them, has always been a life-giving activity for me. There's something wonderful about helping others come closer to God in all they do. And the idea of being in the Black Mountains of North Carolina should be pretty great too. Is it silly that part of me wants to see Billy Graham while I'm there? Probably.
In between my two Montreat weeks, I'll be heading to PA for a Lake Erie Presbytery meeting. If all goes well, I should be officially taken under care by the Presbytery and become an Inquirer. This is a huge step, and I'm so thankful that all the people back home have been so willing and flexible to help make this happen for me.
It's crazy to stop and think about everything that has happened this year. I'm so blessed. There have been many blessings and many prayers here in Nashville. I had no idea a year ago what a great name I had picked for this blog.
Monday, May 24, 2010
PSF reflections
It's pretty quiet here in Vandyland. Graduation was on the 14th, and since then the campus feels deserted. I'm sadder than I thought I would be without the students around. I feel like my purpose for being in Nashville left with them all. They were, after all, the focus of most of my days and the majority of my non-YAV community.
The silence that engulfs the campus though calls me to reflect upon my time with the PSF community. I came in September unsure of what I was doing; not knowing how to build community, and lacking in confidence that I could handle the task at hand. As the year evolved, I discovered that I loved the planning, the execution, and the behind the scenes work that so much of the Vanderbilt PSF work demanded. Being a part of the planning that made "life-changing moments" is pretty incredible. I discovered a passion in authentic conversation (especially with a tea or chai in hand) and the joy of fostering relationships of meaning. I was reminded of my love for proclaiming the Word, my fears of entering hospitals, and how sometimes the most important thing is just to be present with someone as they move through trials. I had my share of failures and anxieties. But I made incredible memories of triumph, and joy, and plenty of new relationships. I helped make two mission trips realities, learned to ask hard questions, and discovered that there is something, indescribably profound in the moments one feels God's presence.
My life has certainly been enriched with the work I did with PSF Nashville. I also miss the busy-ness that was my life; although the time for rest is nice. But there is something to be said for the pace of life on a college/university campus. I still haven't found anywhere else that compares.
The silence that engulfs the campus though calls me to reflect upon my time with the PSF community. I came in September unsure of what I was doing; not knowing how to build community, and lacking in confidence that I could handle the task at hand. As the year evolved, I discovered that I loved the planning, the execution, and the behind the scenes work that so much of the Vanderbilt PSF work demanded. Being a part of the planning that made "life-changing moments" is pretty incredible. I discovered a passion in authentic conversation (especially with a tea or chai in hand) and the joy of fostering relationships of meaning. I was reminded of my love for proclaiming the Word, my fears of entering hospitals, and how sometimes the most important thing is just to be present with someone as they move through trials. I had my share of failures and anxieties. But I made incredible memories of triumph, and joy, and plenty of new relationships. I helped make two mission trips realities, learned to ask hard questions, and discovered that there is something, indescribably profound in the moments one feels God's presence.
My life has certainly been enriched with the work I did with PSF Nashville. I also miss the busy-ness that was my life; although the time for rest is nice. But there is something to be said for the pace of life on a college/university campus. I still haven't found anywhere else that compares.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
traveling home
On Mother's Day, I flew out of Nashville and arrived in Erie. It was a exciting couple of days in Erie. I surprised both Grandmothers (one much more than the other!) and attended two very important meetings to help start off my time at Columbia Seminary.
The first meeting was a gathering of my home church's Session, for me to discuss why I've decided to go to seminary and pursue ordination. It was a wonderful meeting. . . it felt so good to be home and around people who know more than this year of my story. It was incredibly affirming to share with them all, and to hear their thoughts and feelings when I was done talking.
On Monday I went to the Lake Erie Presbytery office to attend the Committee on Preparation for Ministry meeting. This CPM meeting was the next hoop to jump through in hopes that they would endorse me and then present me to the Presbytery meeting in June. This meeting was also very affirming and very positive. I really enjoyed my time with them all; even if I did do most of the talking!
I left Erie sad on Tuesday morning. It doesn't get easier to leave home, especially not when I've had such a great time with the people who know me. And the idea of being about four more hours away from Erie (Columbia is just outside of Atlanta) for three years makes me sad too. But I also know that I can't deny the notion of being called to Columbia, to seminary, and to ordination. So, I'll venture further away to pursue what I need to. And maybe someday, I'll move closer to Erie and the people who know so much of my story. Until then, I'll keep building community in new places and venturing forth.
The first meeting was a gathering of my home church's Session, for me to discuss why I've decided to go to seminary and pursue ordination. It was a wonderful meeting. . . it felt so good to be home and around people who know more than this year of my story. It was incredibly affirming to share with them all, and to hear their thoughts and feelings when I was done talking.
On Monday I went to the Lake Erie Presbytery office to attend the Committee on Preparation for Ministry meeting. This CPM meeting was the next hoop to jump through in hopes that they would endorse me and then present me to the Presbytery meeting in June. This meeting was also very affirming and very positive. I really enjoyed my time with them all; even if I did do most of the talking!
I left Erie sad on Tuesday morning. It doesn't get easier to leave home, especially not when I've had such a great time with the people who know me. And the idea of being about four more hours away from Erie (Columbia is just outside of Atlanta) for three years makes me sad too. But I also know that I can't deny the notion of being called to Columbia, to seminary, and to ordination. So, I'll venture further away to pursue what I need to. And maybe someday, I'll move closer to Erie and the people who know so much of my story. Until then, I'll keep building community in new places and venturing forth.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
flood
When I asked my parents to ship my work boots down to Music City in March, I never suspected that I would end up using them more in Nashville than in Guatemala. (I actually didn't even take them with me to Guatemala).
The last three days (and again tomorrow) I've headed out into suburbia Nashville to help with flood recovery. It's a mess. Lives have been lost, tangible memories are soggy or destroyed, and my heart aches for all of it.
I've helped a co-worker save pictures from his flooded basement, torn up a hardwood floor at a stranger's house. Today I choked back tears as I helped an 85 year old woman salvage cards and pictures that her husband hadn't even signed before he died three years ago. I ripped out soggy drywall and tossed it into a heaping pile at another house.
Someone asked me today if this is what I ever expected to do during my YAV year. I laughed at the time, and answered that no, this was not on my list of expectations. Now I say no with a lump in my throat as I allow my thoughts and feelings to settle. It certainly has been a year full of the unexpected. And this flood and consequential devastation, as well as recovery work in my own city, was (and continues to be)on the top of my "totally unexpected" list.
I wish I could better articulate what I've been seeing and feeling. I don't know if it is a limited vocabulary or an overwhelming sense of emotion on my part. All I know for certain is that this city that I love is suffering.
The last three days (and again tomorrow) I've headed out into suburbia Nashville to help with flood recovery. It's a mess. Lives have been lost, tangible memories are soggy or destroyed, and my heart aches for all of it.
I've helped a co-worker save pictures from his flooded basement, torn up a hardwood floor at a stranger's house. Today I choked back tears as I helped an 85 year old woman salvage cards and pictures that her husband hadn't even signed before he died three years ago. I ripped out soggy drywall and tossed it into a heaping pile at another house.
Someone asked me today if this is what I ever expected to do during my YAV year. I laughed at the time, and answered that no, this was not on my list of expectations. Now I say no with a lump in my throat as I allow my thoughts and feelings to settle. It certainly has been a year full of the unexpected. And this flood and consequential devastation, as well as recovery work in my own city, was (and continues to be)on the top of my "totally unexpected" list.
I wish I could better articulate what I've been seeing and feeling. I don't know if it is a limited vocabulary or an overwhelming sense of emotion on my part. All I know for certain is that this city that I love is suffering.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
focus on the present
Much of my YAV has been spent looking into the future. I think that's the nature of one year programs, lots of focus into whats coming next. And that's great. I really wouldn't be ready for seminary if it wasn't the vocational discernment and other such "forward looking" experiences I've had through this year.
But this morning at church I was reminded of "old" life lessons. Worship opened with Holy, Holy, Holy. It's a great hymn, one that with a brief look to the next stanza, I can sing from memory. But today, I focused on the words. The words are so familiar that typically my imagination shuts down and the words are simply black letters on a page. The words only occasionally strike me, make me think, cause me to think about anything beyond what's next in the bulletin.
Today, I went back (mentally) to my Confirmation class in 8th grade when Mr. Skinner came into the class and we talked about hymns. Holy, Holy, Holy was one of the ones we discussed. We talked about the saints casting down their crowns and what that meant. I remember saying at that time I that suspected that that reference meant that "the saints" were acknowledging Jesus as Lord and king; and that their earthly positions of glory were nothing in comparison to Jesus.
I thought about my time at FootSteps and "This Little Light of Mine" in reference to the darkness in verse two. I thought about the times of darkness in my life, when I let the darkness slip in and I wallowed there for a while.
In the midst of trying to stay in the present (not the future), I was reminded of a lot of great moments and lessons from my past. All those things and moments and experiences that have shaped me and gotten me to this place so I can look into the future and be comfortable in the present.
But this morning at church I was reminded of "old" life lessons. Worship opened with Holy, Holy, Holy. It's a great hymn, one that with a brief look to the next stanza, I can sing from memory. But today, I focused on the words. The words are so familiar that typically my imagination shuts down and the words are simply black letters on a page. The words only occasionally strike me, make me think, cause me to think about anything beyond what's next in the bulletin.
Today, I went back (mentally) to my Confirmation class in 8th grade when Mr. Skinner came into the class and we talked about hymns. Holy, Holy, Holy was one of the ones we discussed. We talked about the saints casting down their crowns and what that meant. I remember saying at that time I that suspected that that reference meant that "the saints" were acknowledging Jesus as Lord and king; and that their earthly positions of glory were nothing in comparison to Jesus.
I thought about my time at FootSteps and "This Little Light of Mine" in reference to the darkness in verse two. I thought about the times of darkness in my life, when I let the darkness slip in and I wallowed there for a while.
In the midst of trying to stay in the present (not the future), I was reminded of a lot of great moments and lessons from my past. All those things and moments and experiences that have shaped me and gotten me to this place so I can look into the future and be comfortable in the present.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
staying put
It's been hard to "stay" in Nashville. In one sense, yes, I'm eager to get some more traveling and exploration in. But mostly it's been hard to stay in Nashville mentally and emotionally. With my Columbia Seminary acceptance letter and scholarship, I've mentally moved on. PSF had it's last worship on Tuesday night, and in two weeks the majority of students will be home for their summers. My role on Vandy's campus will change; my walks won't include seeing the community I've built there. And the general charm about living in community with four other Young Adult Volunteers has worn off. Living out "intentional Christian community" definitely has it's highs and lows.
A year ago when I said that I was ready to be broken and grow in new ways, I never expected all that has come my way. I'm tired--it's not been easy. But there is a lot of it that has been good. Fabulous life experiences: keynoting a youth retreat, leading a Guatemala trip, meeting and working with lots of great PC(USA) pastors, learning how to articulate my own faith and theology, discovering my passion for community building . . . the list goes on. I am confident that if it wasn't for this year of growth and challenges, I would not be so excited to venture off to seminary, nor would I be ready to venture off. It's been a good year, and I mean that. And now, with around three months left, I need to hold onto that mentality and see what else comes my way.
A year ago when I said that I was ready to be broken and grow in new ways, I never expected all that has come my way. I'm tired--it's not been easy. But there is a lot of it that has been good. Fabulous life experiences: keynoting a youth retreat, leading a Guatemala trip, meeting and working with lots of great PC(USA) pastors, learning how to articulate my own faith and theology, discovering my passion for community building . . . the list goes on. I am confident that if it wasn't for this year of growth and challenges, I would not be so excited to venture off to seminary, nor would I be ready to venture off. It's been a good year, and I mean that. And now, with around three months left, I need to hold onto that mentality and see what else comes my way.
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