change

It’s hard to believe that my time as a YAV is nearly complete. My year commitment is in its final two weeks, and I’m left wondering (as I think we all do at times of transition): “Have I made a difference?”

When people ask what I’ve learned and experienced this year, I typically say something about lots of personal growth, change and struggle. Sometimes I mention that I’ve lived this year in intentional Christian community, spent time each week in discernment, and have served through the lens of social justice. I’ve told people that I worked with the Presbyterian Campus Ministry on the campuses of Belmont and Vanderbilt Universities, and often took students to coffee shops to hear their stories. And while all of that is true, it doesn’t tell the whole story of what this year means to my life. When I reflect upon my “year of service for a lifetime of change” (which is the YAV motto) I think of many powerful moments:

The fall break trip was a social justice trip to Memphis. A week before the trip, a senior student asked if there were scholarships available so she might be able to go on the trip. We were able to give her a full scholarship and she joined us. On the second night of the trip, we helped serve a dinner for the homeless community. A beautiful thing happened during that meal. The student sat down and spent most of the evening talking with the folks at one of the tables. I later learned that was the first time she had ever interacted with anyone who was homeless.

After a long night (and early morning) helping students host Room in the Inn, I invited two students to join me for a coffee at Starbucks. I wasn’t thinking about anything beyond my personal need for some caffeine. But those students had a lot on their minds and hearts that they needed to talk about. We spent two hours talking that morning. We talked about life, about God, about what it means to be a Christian, about the life-changing impacts of our spring break trip to Guatemala and what it looks like to bring one’s faith into everyday life. Two hours of authentic, Spirit-filled conversation.

Walking into Downtown Presbyterian Church one sunny Sunday morning, I smiled at a group of men gathered on the stairs. It was a group of men who would have frightened me at the beginning of my time at Downtown. On this particular morning, I took my sunglasses off before entering the narthex and said “hello” with a smile. One of the men looked up at me, and thanked me. He thanked me for noticing him and for sharing a smile.

For several years, people have told me that I needed to pursue a theological education. I’ve always tried to run from such a calling. In March my supervisor at Presbyterian Campus Ministry asked me to preach and for whatever reason I said yes. In the midst of my sermon, I knew with confidence and joy that I was doing what God had created me to do. I couldn’t run anymore. I knew in that moment that I was going to seminary.

When I first read the YAV motto, I did not really think that my life would change after a year of service. I knew lives would change and that growth would transpire. I assumed that I would be an agent in changing the lives around me.

Beyond anything else, I have changed this year. I’ve been forced to embrace who it is that I am. I’ve learned what it means to grieve, to face conflict, to be assertive. I have learned the power in walking with others, of being present, and the power in listening. While I’m sure it’s been happening for a while, I am becoming the person I have always hoped to become. I’ve finally accepted my calling to go to seminary. I’ll venture to another new place, Columbia Theological Seminary, and start another chapter of my life there in September.

This year of service in Nashville brought about a deep change within me. Thank you for being some of the people who have encouraged me this year. Thank you for welcoming me into your community as a stranger and for letting me venture on knowing that I have a place in Nashville to return to. I took a risk in coming to Nashville as a Young Adult Volunteer. I took the risk the song “The Summons” offers: ‘will you go where you don’t know and never be the same?’ I took that risk . . . and I will never be the same.