More often than not, I experience something or someone and think: I need to blog about this. The problem is that 1. I'm not near a computer to immediately blog, or 2. I just don't take the time. It's the later that seems to be causing a lot of my "issues."
I'm just so busy trying to embrace all that I can during this year. In the last two weeks, I've had breakfast with a Presbyterian pastor who is also a Benedictine Nun who runs an intentional community in Wisconsin (something I yearn to do next summer), experienced the fabulous and Nashville famous Pancake Pantry, Hillsboro Village, Islamic Cultural Center, and the Farmer's Market. I've had coffee and great conversations with students, planned and lead an Ash Wednesday service, spent the night on campus helping with Room In the Inn (a non profit that works with the homeless), finalized the Guatemala trip details, and taught several InterFaith classes. I'm working on creating an Arts and Spirituality class, am part of a keynoting team for a youth conference in April, all while trying to take time to listen for the movement and guidance of God in what comes next.
It's been fulfilling, exhausting, overwhelming and incredibly joy-filled all at once. I'm working to pull back the layers of my life; slowly excepting that I don't have it all figured out. I am broken and sinful, full of messy stuff that God, for whatever reason, has decided is worth redeeming and glorifying. That's probably been the most exciting part of my personal growth these last few weeks: that once I declare (and really accepted) myself to be broken, there was an ease and a lightness in the path ahead. This new freedom keeps reminding me of what I heard at the Montreat College Conference: "It's a long way to the realm of God when you have to haul your crap with you."
I feel like I keep telling people that I'm loving my experience, have grown a lot, and am trying hard to listen for the gentle whisper or meaningful interaction that so often reveals God in my life. There is something unique and exciting about this year I've taken. . . a year some would say that I "took off" from the real world. But the thought that keeps coming back to me is this: Aren't these messy truths what the real world is all about? That's what Muhammad, a homeless man I spent some of my Room in the Inn time with, was saying: "Girl, wherever your journey takes you, remember that it ain't always pretty, but at least you're moving. So enjoy the ride and go great places."
That's the plan after all, to keep moving and discovering new things about this ministry, the people I'm around, the world, and myself.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The Downtown Church
I've been super blessed with all the opportunities and people I have met during my six months here in Nashville. And while the following link doesn't directly connect to my time here, I wanted to share it. Patty Griffith, a country singer, recorded her latest album in the sanctuary of Downtown Pres, the church I attend. It's an incredible album, and this youtube video not only highlights the song, but also shows you a lot of the church. The opening seconds, of the empty pews, shows you were I sit almost every week. It's a beautiful song, with beautiful lyrics that speak if you chose to listen with an open heart. I hope you open your heart to this song and really enjoy it. blessings.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Honor Life
My housemate, Diana, is serving her YAV year at a grass roots nonprofit. The agency is called Tennesseans for Alternatives to the Death Penalty (TADP). Today was the 4th annual student conference, in which she played a significant role in putting it all together. All of the Cabana girls decided it was important to support her in this role, so we all ventured to Middle Tennessee State University (about a 35 minute drive) this morning.
I went not knowing what to expect of the conference's information or my own feelings. I see a lot of the world in gray, not really having a strong pull to one side of an issue or the other. But the stories I heard and the information I learned hasn't yet settled within me.
I learned that although Lady Justice is suppose to be blindfolded, she seems to be able to see economic status, race, and geographical location. I heard testimonies of victim's family members who shared that they sought revenge whole heartily until they realized (through and for whatever reasons) that forgiveness was a better choice. I saw anguish, compassion, frustration, and a whole slew of emotions. I heard a man who had been on "the row" for 20+ years, and was the first exonerated man in the state of Tennessee. I heard the death penalty and abortion compared as equal murders.
Through it all, my thought was: "Yes, right now I choose life. . . but if it was my sister/mother/father etc. who was murdered? Could/would I still feel that way?" I don't have an answer. Yes, I agree that it is not a good system legally, and it is not my position, morally, to take a life in any means. And while I know I've set my stake in the camp that honors life, the camp that chooses mercy over vengeance, I still can't stop churning this issue over in my heart--thinking of all the people who had to pick a side of this issue for a reason much different than a morning student conference.
I went not knowing what to expect of the conference's information or my own feelings. I see a lot of the world in gray, not really having a strong pull to one side of an issue or the other. But the stories I heard and the information I learned hasn't yet settled within me.
I learned that although Lady Justice is suppose to be blindfolded, she seems to be able to see economic status, race, and geographical location. I heard testimonies of victim's family members who shared that they sought revenge whole heartily until they realized (through and for whatever reasons) that forgiveness was a better choice. I saw anguish, compassion, frustration, and a whole slew of emotions. I heard a man who had been on "the row" for 20+ years, and was the first exonerated man in the state of Tennessee. I heard the death penalty and abortion compared as equal murders.
Through it all, my thought was: "Yes, right now I choose life. . . but if it was my sister/mother/father etc. who was murdered? Could/would I still feel that way?" I don't have an answer. Yes, I agree that it is not a good system legally, and it is not my position, morally, to take a life in any means. And while I know I've set my stake in the camp that honors life, the camp that chooses mercy over vengeance, I still can't stop churning this issue over in my heart--thinking of all the people who had to pick a side of this issue for a reason much different than a morning student conference.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
YAV retreat
It's been nearly a week since the YAVs from Atlanta and Cincinnati joined those of us in Nashville for a weekend retreat to focus on listening to God. I wasn't exactly thrilled about heading away for the weekend, for whatever reason. But after venturing through the snow storm, and safely getting to Deer Run Camp, I was glad to be there.
The camp was beautiful. We stayed in new log cabins, the snow was glistening (when it wasn't pelting us in the face) and we shared in a lot of joyful conversation. On Friday, we did an activity called "Praying in Color." I took markers, crayons, and paper and spent two silent hours coloring my thoughts and prayers. I wrote the names of mentors and pastors who have shaped my life. I wrote the initials of all my immediate family members. I wrote things I love, things I appreciate about my life, the questions I have for God. There were bubbles with the words in them, surrounded by different colors. It was a tangled, beautiful, maze of prayers and art. I was exhausted afterwords, and spent most of the evening resting.
On Saturday, we did another art activity that pertained to our dreams. We searched through magazines to find the pictures of our deepest desires. There were particular pictures I was looking for: a husband and wife, a cute cottage, maybe something that pertained to the ministry. Instead I pasted down a picture of a woman surrounded by people who she loved and was loved by. I glued down a lot about Africa, a story about how a girl who ventured away from home yet always comes back and helps to make chocolate cake. I did find a great picture of a comfy cottage, travel pictures, and other things I kind of expected to find. It was a beautiful prayer and a glorious expression of how God's plan is revealed in unique and glorious ways.
I also shared in deep listening activities--a fabulous Spirit filled exchange. I was partnered with one of my housemates and a YAV from Cinci. We talked about being away from home and not being able to help those we love. We talked about feeling God's presence, meaningful worship, personal seminary debates.
When we finally left Deer Run on Sunday, I realized that I have no answers for what is coming next in my life. But there is no door that has been closed; no option that I couldn't take advantage of. Most of my artistic prayers consisted of ideas and concepts that I hadn't ever thought possible for my life (i.e.- Malawi trip; YAV year; my love of public speaking and where it could take me, etc.). Therefore I need to spend more time and energy listening for and to God. And I might just go get my crayons again. . . .
The camp was beautiful. We stayed in new log cabins, the snow was glistening (when it wasn't pelting us in the face) and we shared in a lot of joyful conversation. On Friday, we did an activity called "Praying in Color." I took markers, crayons, and paper and spent two silent hours coloring my thoughts and prayers. I wrote the names of mentors and pastors who have shaped my life. I wrote the initials of all my immediate family members. I wrote things I love, things I appreciate about my life, the questions I have for God. There were bubbles with the words in them, surrounded by different colors. It was a tangled, beautiful, maze of prayers and art. I was exhausted afterwords, and spent most of the evening resting.
On Saturday, we did another art activity that pertained to our dreams. We searched through magazines to find the pictures of our deepest desires. There were particular pictures I was looking for: a husband and wife, a cute cottage, maybe something that pertained to the ministry. Instead I pasted down a picture of a woman surrounded by people who she loved and was loved by. I glued down a lot about Africa, a story about how a girl who ventured away from home yet always comes back and helps to make chocolate cake. I did find a great picture of a comfy cottage, travel pictures, and other things I kind of expected to find. It was a beautiful prayer and a glorious expression of how God's plan is revealed in unique and glorious ways.
I also shared in deep listening activities--a fabulous Spirit filled exchange. I was partnered with one of my housemates and a YAV from Cinci. We talked about being away from home and not being able to help those we love. We talked about feeling God's presence, meaningful worship, personal seminary debates.
When we finally left Deer Run on Sunday, I realized that I have no answers for what is coming next in my life. But there is no door that has been closed; no option that I couldn't take advantage of. Most of my artistic prayers consisted of ideas and concepts that I hadn't ever thought possible for my life (i.e.- Malawi trip; YAV year; my love of public speaking and where it could take me, etc.). Therefore I need to spend more time and energy listening for and to God. And I might just go get my crayons again. . . .
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Four Pastors, One Day
Today I had four fabulous conversations with four fabulous PC(USA) pastors. My weekly meeting with Jennifer was insightful and thought provoking. . . as always. Whenever we sit and talk, I find myself talking about things that are important in my life that I've either not thought about before nor realized about myself. I "name" a lot of the issues I have within myself and strive to work on them. My conversations with her are the thresholds of a lot of my growth as a person.
My next pastoral conversation was with Ken. We shared terrible meatloaf at a meat and three downtown. Our conversation was different than the one I had with Jennifer, naturally. We talked about our struggles in ministry, what ministry can (and maybe should) look like. I listened to him talk about the challenges in ministry and heard him say that ministry is messy with an exhausted sigh. And yet there was a passion in his eyes, a spark that clearly comes from the challenges he faces and the love he shares with people. It was a spark and a passion that resonated within my own heart; it's a spark and passion that I hope to emulate in whatever God calls me to.
Next, I ventured around a PC(USA) conference and ran into Ellie Johns. Ellie is a pastor that shaped my youth and is from Erie as well. She's been a constant in pushing me to see a broader spectrum in the church and in the people of the church. She always introduces me to new people, new ideas, and compels me to consider new aspects of myself.
The last pastor of the day was my mentor from Westminster, Dr. [Mrs.] Cushman. She was in Nashville for the same conference Ellie was. It was so wonderful to spend time with her. I spent so many hours in her office in college, seeking her wisdom, her insight, and her compassionate spirit as I struggled through the issues of my college years. Today, we talked about the work I am doing, how I am finally taking care of myself and my needs, and about what the future holds. Dr. Cushman played a significant role in my discernment to become a YAV; and it was affirming to hear her say that she could tell this was the right decision for me. I continue to be grateful for her insight, and her hugs.
All three of my worlds collided today: Erie, Westminster, and YAV/Nashville through four wonderful conversations with four wonderful pastors. I'm feeling excited about these conversations, the growth I sense within myself and the growth that was affirmed in several different ways, and what possibilities lie ahead of me. Only God knows why I had these four conversations all in one day. Who knows, maybe I will join the ranks of these great pastors!?!
My next pastoral conversation was with Ken. We shared terrible meatloaf at a meat and three downtown. Our conversation was different than the one I had with Jennifer, naturally. We talked about our struggles in ministry, what ministry can (and maybe should) look like. I listened to him talk about the challenges in ministry and heard him say that ministry is messy with an exhausted sigh. And yet there was a passion in his eyes, a spark that clearly comes from the challenges he faces and the love he shares with people. It was a spark and a passion that resonated within my own heart; it's a spark and passion that I hope to emulate in whatever God calls me to.
Next, I ventured around a PC(USA) conference and ran into Ellie Johns. Ellie is a pastor that shaped my youth and is from Erie as well. She's been a constant in pushing me to see a broader spectrum in the church and in the people of the church. She always introduces me to new people, new ideas, and compels me to consider new aspects of myself.
The last pastor of the day was my mentor from Westminster, Dr. [Mrs.] Cushman. She was in Nashville for the same conference Ellie was. It was so wonderful to spend time with her. I spent so many hours in her office in college, seeking her wisdom, her insight, and her compassionate spirit as I struggled through the issues of my college years. Today, we talked about the work I am doing, how I am finally taking care of myself and my needs, and about what the future holds. Dr. Cushman played a significant role in my discernment to become a YAV; and it was affirming to hear her say that she could tell this was the right decision for me. I continue to be grateful for her insight, and her hugs.
All three of my worlds collided today: Erie, Westminster, and YAV/Nashville through four wonderful conversations with four wonderful pastors. I'm feeling excited about these conversations, the growth I sense within myself and the growth that was affirmed in several different ways, and what possibilities lie ahead of me. Only God knows why I had these four conversations all in one day. Who knows, maybe I will join the ranks of these great pastors!?!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Rebuilt Ruins
I've been feeling pretty worn down lately. I don't know what the root cause has been. Sometimes I think I'm still grieving the loss of my Gramps, maybe it's partial homesickness, being sick, and as usual, my innate inability to say no to things. It could be any or all of these factors. What I do know is that I've been struggling to stay focused and positive.
I'm also feeling tested in many ways: my physical health, financially, how to respond to the need that surrounds me in so many different forms, and even how to trust in the future that I know is out there but I don't know where it leads.
I've been reading my daily devotional, my daily Bible verse calendar, attending meaningful worships, sharing my feelings over coffee without much avail. Nothing was really calming the raging internal storm; there was no peace to all the friction I was feeling. That was until a few minutes ago.
I agreed to help Ken, the pastor at Downtown, plan and lead the Ash Wednesday service. He asked me to read the lectionary readings for that day so when we have lunch on Thursday we could talk about the direction for the service. I read the first reading without much interest and started in on the second reading in a similar fashion. But about eight verses in, the words started connecting with my spirit. I finished the reading and started reading it all again. The words suddenly became a balm to my weary and worn spirit.
I encourage you to read Isaiah 58 and see what truths God reveals to you. For, "if you remove the yoke from among you, the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil, if you offer your food to the hungry and satisfy the needs of the afflicted, then your light shall rise in the darkness and your gloom be like the noonday. . . . Your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to live in." Amen.
I'm also feeling tested in many ways: my physical health, financially, how to respond to the need that surrounds me in so many different forms, and even how to trust in the future that I know is out there but I don't know where it leads.
I've been reading my daily devotional, my daily Bible verse calendar, attending meaningful worships, sharing my feelings over coffee without much avail. Nothing was really calming the raging internal storm; there was no peace to all the friction I was feeling. That was until a few minutes ago.
I agreed to help Ken, the pastor at Downtown, plan and lead the Ash Wednesday service. He asked me to read the lectionary readings for that day so when we have lunch on Thursday we could talk about the direction for the service. I read the first reading without much interest and started in on the second reading in a similar fashion. But about eight verses in, the words started connecting with my spirit. I finished the reading and started reading it all again. The words suddenly became a balm to my weary and worn spirit.
I encourage you to read Isaiah 58 and see what truths God reveals to you. For, "if you remove the yoke from among you, the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil, if you offer your food to the hungry and satisfy the needs of the afflicted, then your light shall rise in the darkness and your gloom be like the noonday. . . . Your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to live in." Amen.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Where's Bethany?
That was the bolded title of the paragraph that told the members of Downtown Pres where I've been. That was the question my sister Kayla asked in regards to my blog. It’s been a popular question these last few days and weeks, and I’m finally settled long enough to answer.
I headed home to PA on December 19th, the day of that frightful snow storm that plagued most of the East coast. Thankfully, I was able to get into Erie without any delay or issue. Christmas was better than I had expected and my week and a few days with family was gone before I had time to really settle in.
On December 30th, I headed back down South with my good friend and former NEP YAV, Katie Mohr. It was great to catch up with her. Once I got to Nashville, the whirlwind began. I went to a birthday party, ate at Rose Pepper, attended the Guitar Drop on the 31st, and spent New Year’s Day with Katie and new friends Megan and Wes, to get pedicures, watch movies, and other important self-care things. Then it was time to pack up (again) and head out for a week of PSF/Vanderbilt activities.
Saturday the 2nd was the day I headed to my first experience in Montreat, NC. Montreat is a conference center run by the PC(USA). It was a beautiful place, with a glorious lake, grand stone buildings, and about 800 college students. I've heard for a long time that the PC(USA) is a small world, with people knowing about each other. I found this to be the truth as I ran into people from the Summer Youth Institute, a friend from Columbia Seminary, and met plenty of people who knew people I knew. The sermons, lessons, keynotes, and general conversations were enlightening and inspiring. Texts that I’ve been struggling to understand (i.e. - Matthew 15.21-28), suddenly made sense, and I found myself explaining the interpretation to the students I was with. My two workshops on being a YAV, and the process of how to become one went nicely. I enjoyed coffee and great conversation with Ellie Johns and the five other SYI alums that were there. And the late night discussion with our group about interfaith dialogue, and God was deep and wide; much like the conference itself. My favorite part was my phone conversation with my Gram, around the partially frozen Lake Susan with the two white swans swimming nearby—truly a time filled with God’s presence.
Jennifer, a freshman student, and I then ventured to Winterplace, West Virginia a ski resort for a three day ski trip. We met up with the students and PSF from Middle Tennessee State University (MTSU). Although it wasn’t quiet what I had expected, I enjoyed getting to know the MTSU students, reading, and walking in the glistening snow (I chose not to ski). We left Winterplace and headed back to the Montreat region, spending the night at Jennifer’s parents house. On Saturday, we stopped at a J.Crew outlet, and had a great drive through Eastern Tennessee. I got home around 6 (back in Central time) to finally live out of a closet instead of a suitcase.
Today, although slightly cold, is a beautiful day in Nashville. The sun is shining and church was fulfilling. It was great to be back in this community, to be greeted with open arms and smiling faces. I’ve all ready had several offers to share coffee, engage in more church responsibilities, and to build more relationships. With the Vanderbilt school year resuming soon, I’m excited to see what this semester will hold. I will be sharing part of my life story on January 19th, to go along with the PSF theme: Stories We Live By. Our Guatemala trip is coming together well, as we fund raise together and begin to learn about that culture and peoples. It’s an exciting new time in my life and ministry . . . as I hope you can tell.
I headed home to PA on December 19th, the day of that frightful snow storm that plagued most of the East coast. Thankfully, I was able to get into Erie without any delay or issue. Christmas was better than I had expected and my week and a few days with family was gone before I had time to really settle in.
On December 30th, I headed back down South with my good friend and former NEP YAV, Katie Mohr. It was great to catch up with her. Once I got to Nashville, the whirlwind began. I went to a birthday party, ate at Rose Pepper, attended the Guitar Drop on the 31st, and spent New Year’s Day with Katie and new friends Megan and Wes, to get pedicures, watch movies, and other important self-care things. Then it was time to pack up (again) and head out for a week of PSF/Vanderbilt activities.
Saturday the 2nd was the day I headed to my first experience in Montreat, NC. Montreat is a conference center run by the PC(USA). It was a beautiful place, with a glorious lake, grand stone buildings, and about 800 college students. I've heard for a long time that the PC(USA) is a small world, with people knowing about each other. I found this to be the truth as I ran into people from the Summer Youth Institute, a friend from Columbia Seminary, and met plenty of people who knew people I knew. The sermons, lessons, keynotes, and general conversations were enlightening and inspiring. Texts that I’ve been struggling to understand (i.e. - Matthew 15.21-28), suddenly made sense, and I found myself explaining the interpretation to the students I was with. My two workshops on being a YAV, and the process of how to become one went nicely. I enjoyed coffee and great conversation with Ellie Johns and the five other SYI alums that were there. And the late night discussion with our group about interfaith dialogue, and God was deep and wide; much like the conference itself. My favorite part was my phone conversation with my Gram, around the partially frozen Lake Susan with the two white swans swimming nearby—truly a time filled with God’s presence.
Jennifer, a freshman student, and I then ventured to Winterplace, West Virginia a ski resort for a three day ski trip. We met up with the students and PSF from Middle Tennessee State University (MTSU). Although it wasn’t quiet what I had expected, I enjoyed getting to know the MTSU students, reading, and walking in the glistening snow (I chose not to ski). We left Winterplace and headed back to the Montreat region, spending the night at Jennifer’s parents house. On Saturday, we stopped at a J.Crew outlet, and had a great drive through Eastern Tennessee. I got home around 6 (back in Central time) to finally live out of a closet instead of a suitcase.
Today, although slightly cold, is a beautiful day in Nashville. The sun is shining and church was fulfilling. It was great to be back in this community, to be greeted with open arms and smiling faces. I’ve all ready had several offers to share coffee, engage in more church responsibilities, and to build more relationships. With the Vanderbilt school year resuming soon, I’m excited to see what this semester will hold. I will be sharing part of my life story on January 19th, to go along with the PSF theme: Stories We Live By. Our Guatemala trip is coming together well, as we fund raise together and begin to learn about that culture and peoples. It’s an exciting new time in my life and ministry . . . as I hope you can tell.
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