signs for comfort

This is my 30th post. 30 is my favorite number, mostly because of my birthday. But my second favorite number is 3. I like 3 because it's the 30 without a zero. But I love 3 because it reminds me that I'm #3 in the Janson family granddaughters. And this weekend, while in Erie for Gramps' services, I have never been more proud to be called by number.

We had over 50 family members come in, saw about 400 people in the four hours of his viewing, and then had a beautiful tribute to his life on Sunday. My heart is still heavy with his "passing" and having to return to Nashville while the family is still together in Erie. But I have to move on. I'd be hurting myself, and I'd like to think Gramps, if I left Nashville and the work I'm doing here. True, some days, I wonder what exactly I'm doing. I feel like I write emails that are never responded to, that I have hour conversations that only skim the surface. I go home to new friends and never take advantage of all the possibilities Nashville holds for me.

But, in the last week, I've felt and seen glimpses of being in the right place. It was in the emails and facebook posts from new Nashville friends that shared their condolences. It was the phone calls and messages, just to "check in." It was seeing my Westminster adviser in the airport on my way back to Tennessee. It was also the Sherwin-Williams truck that passed me; the Veterans that proudly walked around town yesterday. It's been reading daily devotions that talk about the Saints that have gone before us.

I've been asking God for a sign to let me know that Gramps is okay. Maybe they've been there all along. I guess my prayers should be for God to open my heart and eyes to the messages He's always been sending.